Life is Messy

A few of us, and yours truly with a cluttered soul, need our visual spaces clear. We need our eyes to be free in order to see. My mess, often limits my ability to interact with others. My messiness keeps me from offering time and space, and the gift of presence to others. 

Surrounded by abundance, my soul still starves. Type A, American abundance, is more baggage than blessing, affecting my ability to love those things that really matter.

 But, type A's move their mess easily. We've moved several times in many years. Moving helps clear out the mess, just as it opens up new spaces and places. We leave some baggage behind, but not nearly enough, and we rarely leave the baggage behind that hinders our loving well in new spaces and places. The mess of our lives ever surrounds us. Dust and ashes cling to us, every move we make.

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

As wood heats our home, ashes accumulate. Like ashes, heartache accumulates. Some experiences never make sense. Things done, costing us and others pain, and things done to us. Our lives are fragments that will one day be made whole, but not here, not now.

This dark season, I seek to give all the fragments of my throbbing soul to a Soulmate. He's promised His yoke is light. I'm not there yet, giving it all to Him. So many days, I take back what I promised I would throw out. I keep the mess close to me. The baggage, ashes, dust, and mess are a millstone, but He's there, offering to take my burden. Because this side of His mountain, men are bent under the weight of the world. But one day we shall be whole, and bend under the weight of His glory.

Oh Jesus, so often we make a mess of our lives and we mess others up at the same time. Yet, you offer hope, yourself, amidst the mess. Help me relinquish my mess. Redeem the mess and the years the locusts have eaten. Help me embrace my mess, so I may embrace others, and embrace the Son in a dark solstice season.

Messy thoughts inspired by C. Last week, she got her hands on Marie Kondo's book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Inclined to collecting, along with her brother, they cherish messy work spaces with nuts and bolts around them. I'm thankful for her motivation to straighten her creative space. One cannot find what one needs, when one needs it, in a space, where nothing has a place!

And just for fun, here's an excerpt from a children's book I wrote this fall that's roaming the planet for a home. 

  Bless Our Mess
by Kim Conolly

All across the map, there are dangerous traps. Rooms so dirty, kids are stuck in their precious muck.

From Egypt to Mongolia, parents complain of smells they disdain.

From Papau New Guinea to Cameroon, you hear, “Clean up your room!”

From Minnesota to Marrakesh, they say, “Take care of this mess!”

From Iceland to Vietnam, it is heard, “Your closet makes me cry; my nose want to die!”

....

Wishing you a lovely Christmas. Let us, this season, embrace our messiness and give it to God. Let us live moments with others that matter, and let us give our burdens to our Messiah, the One who saves. Merry Christmas, dear ones, He is born, the hope of our world and the world yet to come. 

St Lucia of the Light and Dark Matter

There was no St Lucia Day lussekatter this year. The young lass likes to sleep in these days and glutens are a no-go. Yet, it's hard for me to lay aside traditions, especially ones that involve baking. I miss my carbohydrates, but am living this tummy diet with her. If I sat on St. Nick's lap, I'd ask him to talk to the tooth fairy about vanquishing dietary restrictions with the wave of her wand. Yet, we are learning how to nourish and be nourished in new ways.

For every carbohydrate low meal, I'm reminded it's never about the bread, but about the Bread of Life. So we sing in a new season of gratitude. Dear God, Help us send gratitude and merry tidings into the dark nights. 

We thoroughly enjoyed the Christmas Ships this weekend with grandparents. We challenged ourselves to name a gratitude for every twinkle of the lights that grace our home. We are hoping our hearts will feel lighter by Epiphany.

And on winter's eve, I find myself penning darkness and Light. 

Light and Dark, Matters

Galaxies emit light from beyond,

reflections from God's luminescent pond.

Science says dark matter signals are weak,

and fail to interact with the light we seek.

Millions of miles away, light strobes along,

coming to us on the wings of the dawn.

While dark matter engages gravity's song.

Before the origins of man, what was dark matter?

Why do we care? What was out there?

Beyond the curtain of light, time, and space,

what hides in galaxies ablaze?

The mysteries of dark matter may forever abound.

Will the universe expand or decay?

In all this, we dance unbound.

All invisible matter, is it part of me?

Opening my eyes to the universe, what do I see?

Star dust and light, dark matter formed.

Molded in man's night, by God: “Let there be light.”

Then the God Light came, a broken world to see.

This dark matter, it matters to He.

Open our eyes, living Light.

Lift the curtain of the universe and help me see.

The veil torn for me.

Inspired by Huff Post Science

Advent Advances

How is it that walking into the dark, 
we are really walking into the Light?

Our family continues to walk forward with Safe Families. The new year will eventually hold new kids in our home. Right now, we must get off our duffs and finish our paperwork, a Christmas gift for our Lord. We are no Magi. We have nothing sweet, nor expensive for the Babe, but we have space. We can make room for one more weary head in our home. So, we walk into the dark, following the Light.

The shepherds quaked this year. No jest. One hit the deck, and he wasn't decking the halls. Maybe the cold night got him, or maybe he was in the barn struggling with a bad head cold, but quaking shepherds are real. Sometimes they look a lot like us.

Last week, a quaking threatened. Chaos sought us. In our home, in our community, and in our tummies. Because when we walk into the dark carrying the Light, in spite of our brokenness, because of our brokenness, we face an enemy who wishes to push us back into our dark places and dark spaces. "Get back into your dingy dark hole." he says.

Our enemy knows that when we bravely step out of our darkness, when we look up, we are given a Flame. The Flame that illumines a pathway to God. Ironically, this Flame most often leads us right back into the darkness, theirs and ours. Yet now, we hold the Flame. We are lit by the Light. The Flame burns  within and throughout our night.

Last week, Flame, God, Manna met with us, and we trekked to First Lego League qualifiers, not to Seattle Children's. God met a real need. The Flame bid us, "take off your sandals and praise in this wilderness." Manna consumed, healed. While we quaked, sustenance arrived in a manger. We only needed to walk with the Light. This week? We're still working on our chaos. Darkness ever threatens, but we know: the Light overcomes.

 So, let us walk towards the Light, like the shepherds. 

And let us carry the Light within, like Mary.

God of the Manger and God of the Barn, God of Manna with ministering hands, Flame of Fire and Light of Mankind, consume our darkness. Bring your light into our world, into our quaking and into our breaking. Let us carry your light, until it streams into a broken world and makes whole the weary, wandering, and woeful. Us. 

Light of Mankind, never give up on us. Meet us at the manger. We come empty handed, but quaking we come. Fill us dear Shepherd, that in turn, we may feed your sheep and give them a place to lay their weary heads. This Advent, help us look for your light and your life. Surely, we will find you in a dark space filling a manger, Manna for mankind.

‘My people are so poor, that God can only appear to them in the form of a piece of bread.’ ~ Ghandi

We Qualified!

Pretty darn proud of these kiddos!

   First Lego League asked students this year to improve learning for kids in ____________ field. Each team got to choose their focus. Our students decided to enhance and improve the study of architecture for kids in Oregon. They visited the University of Oregon School of Architecture, and interviewed architects, professors, interior designers, and students to learn more about architecture.  Each student also made their own architectural design and build, because architects: invent, design, and build! They've also been working on a future web site that will help kids learn more about the study of architecture in fun and engaging ways, as well as preparing to share their information at a local library in late winter. On top of all that, they've been learning Lego Robotics, game regulations, and programming. Their hard work paid off! Today, they won two trophies and qualified for the FLL Oregon State Tournament.

Table time at our station. There was hardly any down time.

Presentation time before the judges. One judge was the head of ORTOP. No stress there!

The "real" table time!

Will it do what we want!!!!?????

A future Robo Builder

 

 

Did we just qualify for state?

Now: breathe, prepare for state, and have a good time!

Way to go!

Home for the Holidays

From ice...

to balmy nice.

He was in the water within 5 minutes of arrival.

Honu everywhere, everyday. 

Lost in story. She's currently obsessed with Arsene Lupin.

We saw a rainbow each day, but the day we flew home.

 Boogie boarding at Beach 69

On the way to Mauna Kea

On Mauna Kea, sunset above the clouds.

Telescopes and astronomy were certainly a highlight of the trip.

Mid-trip, we moved to the east side of the island to be closer to the volcano.

Kapoho Bay and Tidepools

Kilauea Caldera

We quickly hiked the 4 mile Kilauea Iki trail to get Jr Ranger badges before the NP closed!

   Home again, and I'm in denial that Thanksgiving is 2 days away, but we are very thankful! We need to buckle down and do some school, though we did take both math and writing journals along on the trip. We learned a lot about earth science on the Big Island. 

   Advent is almost upon us, a time of reflection, prayer, and praise. Surely, we went to Hawaii praising for her good health and the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon her, and us, in her health journey. 

   Yet, I can't help but wonder: Does a mama truly ever sigh, let go, and release her children to the Lord, trusting for His good care over them? I'm learning. I'm so thankful for what God has done for her, and us, this year. For His presence and graciousness, we are indeed thankful.

*Maybe at some point, I'll write about taking kids to the Big Island, and the locations we chose (we are introverts, but one). For now, we are basking in the memories. That said, I will add that using Costco for gas and groceries is the way to go, but eat at Kona Brewing at least once. The food and beer is great!

Creative Rest

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. ~ Einstein

Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree. 

~ Emily Bronte

Those who create, live.

   I have looked through the lens so little this fall. I feel the difference in my spirit. The schedule has at times been frantic. Grief and loss have found us, again. Yet, today the sun shines bright, the leaves rustle in a cold wind. We prepare for Thanksgiving and Advent, soon upon us, with stillness. Thankful for each other, family, and yes, our Veteran's. 

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. ~ Cicero