The Dark Night of the Soul

It is dark.
Day has broken, but a blackness pervades.
The hills are dark: a dark night for the soul of mankind.
The world churns and souls cry out:
in the Indian Ocean, in Oso, in Egypt.
The soul of mankind separate from God. 
The oceans swallow up the living as we curse the oceans.
The soil under our feet quakes and separates.
The soul quakes and separates.

The grave swallowed Him too. 
Black waves of death washed over Him.
He faced the curse of death and separation from God,
the rending of His soul for the simple. 
A rocky tomb of death sealed Him with rocks.

He rolled away the rocks.
He crushed rocks roiling to encase Him.
Light entered the rocky tomb.
Life entered mankind.
Death was bound.
The chains on my soul transferred to death.
Death now shackled and chained.
My soul free.

Yet, my soul churns. 
It tosses and turns in the dark.
The rain pours down. The soul of the planet groans and quakes.
The dark night of the soul lives on,
where earthly rocks tell time.

But I hold fast to this hope: the grave is overcome.
A real world exists where dark nights are vanquished.
Over the next hill, in a nearby valley, an impenetrable Light breaks forth.
A Light never to be overcome or extinguished. 

One lives there who enters dark souls.
He breathes out Light with each exhale. 
In this valley, the soul of mankind breathes Light.
Human souls: Hope. Live. Pulsate.

Choose the valley of Light.
Choose Light.
Choose the True Pulse of your life.
Live with an eternal pulse.  

The dark night of the soul overwhelms and crushes me.
But I enter it and am not afraid.
My soul cries out and is met in the darkness.
Jesus waits to walk me to the Light.

~ Kim Conolly 2014 

Crying for those we know in Oso, WA who have lost dear ones. Crying for the places our feet have tread and where we've laid our heads, so very near that landslide. Crying for justice for those in Egypt, for surely violence begets violence. No matter our different beliefs, we must take the opportunity to make friend of what some call foe where God calls. Crying for the families of Malaysia Flight 370. May the One who offers true hope be their hope in this devastating time. Crying for the anguish of the world. May humanity know Love. 

Contractions at the Cross: Lenten Mysteries

     Jesus lived every fiber of the human experience by entering, engaging, and challenging death. He was fully human - he took no short cuts and pulled no heavenly strings in order to escape death. He bore estrangement from God which the cross inflicted.

      He shared humanity with his mother - he too had contractions. For surely, the contractions of Jesus of Nazareth upon the cross, made it possible for the womb of a hillside rock to split open and give birth to the Rock. 

      The Rock, who split rocks, enables me to enter the inner sanctuary, but he also bids me enter his crucifixion cave. I too, will one day face death and be wrapped for burial. Yet now a disciple, I must pick up my cross and walk with him to death's hill. I must experience death to self, death to dreams, death to pride, death to agendas, death to expectations, and death to reputation. I detest the last one. Am I willing? Will I walk with Christ to Golgotha this Lenten season?

     Simon of Cyrene carried his cross. Was he selected, or did he step forward? We don't know, but I venture this: Christ chose Simon before Simon chose Christ. The cross of Christ, will always choose us before we choose him. Through his gift, given first and given fully, I am enabled to choose Christ. 

But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace... (Galatians 1:5 ESV)

      But to choose Jesus, is to choose the weight of the cross. I believe Simon felt the weight of the cross forever thereafter upon his heart. And we too, must intimately know its weight if we wish for his presence. Choosing Christ, choosing the cross, means experiencing death to the world and its' desires, norms, and rules. 

     Like Christ, my flesh must be crucified. Am I willing to be laid down and cast aside? The path of the cross is painful, but it leads to rest in the Rock. He who splits rocks open, overcomes. I find rest in the One who rolls away the stone.

Lenten Mystery

There are two moments that matter. One is when you know your one and only life is absolutely valuable and alive. The other is when you know your life, as presently lived, is entirely pointless and empty. You need both of them to keep you going in the right direction. Lent is about both.  ~Richard Rohr

 

This Lent I'm doing my best to dig deep. I want to make space for God in yet deeper places within. I'm questioning, not Jesus, but what I believe and how I am shaped. Do the gospels define my Jesus or does the current Christian culture?

This past weekend, I attended the Faith and Culture Writer's Conference. I may, or may not, write more on my experience at some later date. I will say, I met prideful people there and an incredible amount of humble people. I struggled with moments of immense angry pride, but I also had moments of incredible humility. Within me, within us all, is the capability for both. I wonder: Are people who are passionate about something more likely to swing from pride to humility in great wild waves? I dare say, I think they might just have those inklings. I pray God will help me choose humility. I pray to stay thirsty.

From Walking on Water, Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L'Engle:

Each time an unexpected discovery is made in the world of knowledge, it shakes the religious establishment of the day. Now, we are often taught that it is unfaithful to question traditional religious beliefs, but I believe we must question them continually - not God, not Christ, who are at the center of our lives as believers and creators - but what human beings say about God and about Christ; otherwise, like those of the church establishment of Galileo's day, we truly become God's frozen people. Galileo's discoveries did nothing whatsoever to change the nature of God; they threatened only man's rigid ideas of the nature of God. We must constantly be open to new revelation, which is another way of hearing God, with loving obedience. 

 Revelation. Listening. Humility. 

Remember-the root of the word humble and human is the same: humus: earth. We are dust. We are created; it is God who made us and not we ourselves. But we are made to be co-creators with our maker.

The great artists keep us from frozenness, from smugness, from thinking that the truth is in us, rather than in God, in Christ our Lord. They help us know that we are often closer to God in our doubts than in our certainties, that it is all right to be like the small child who constantly asks: Why? Why? Why? (L'Engle 1980)

We are working to keep our child like wonder.

 

Meet Jack.

 

Jack is a 15 week old (we think) kitten. He was found in the ditch near our piano teacher's house, and they were not going to be able to keep him. He literally walked up to our vehicle and found us. He purrs instantly the moment you pick him up. He lets you cradle him like a baby. He lets you wipe off his paws when he's been outside. (Seriously, if God ever had a cat for us, this is the one.) He's exhausted tonight, but within 4 hours of bringing him home, he was the boss. What dog? They already share the same water bowl and drink from it together. Did I mention, I will be vacuuming every day for the rest of my life? I guess I'm going to call that my cardio workout. Yep. He's a pocket full of sunshine in our spring, along with the full rainbow I saw today, and the four doves on my run. God speaks. Today. 

The Lenten Sanctuary

And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And the earth shook, and the rocks were split. (Mathew 27:51 ESV)

   
Lent invites me to enter the inner sanctuary of God.

As Jesus took his final breath on the cross, the temple veil tore from top to bottom. Access granted. Do I believe it's God's will that I enter the inner room? The Son says it is so. Will I accept His invitation?

Before the cross of Christ, a sinless priest could enter the inner room only once a year. His goal: make atonement before God for the people and himself.  A priest deemed unworthy had to be pulled out by rope - we ought to approach our Lord in awe. It's a wonder priests ever came out alive, but indeed they did, and year after year they went back seeking holiness. Do I seek His Holiness? I have full access to the inner room of God's presence, my cost paid at the cross, but so often I  don't enter in. Often, I have to be dragged into God's presence. Wouldn't it be amazing if people said of us that we had to be dragged out of God's presence?

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16 ESV) 

In Lent, let us learn to walk boldly into the thrown room of God and endure His loving embrace. In Lent, let us join our Lord in a wild wilderness and overcome. In Lent, let us lean into discipleship. 

Oh my soul, Lent is not deprivation. Lent is discipleship for the hungry girl within. An Easter feast will soon be laid before me, but first I fast this world and exchange it for the Word.

Branded or Beautiful?

   Blogging about beauty. There's a million and one thoughts already out there, and many circle around the same mall. But recently, I found a beauty guide in Isaiah. I met a truth about beauty that has gripped me.

The Lord says,
    “The women of Zion are haughty walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes strutting along with swaying hips, with ornaments jingling on their ankles. Therefore the Lord will bring sores on the heads of the women of Zion; the Lord will make their scalps bald.” In that day the Lord will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and anklets and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings,  the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls. Instead of fragrance there will be a stench; instead of a sash, a rope; instead of well-dressed hair, baldness instead of fine clothing, sackcloth; instead of beauty, branding.

(Isaiah3:16-24)

      Women branded smacks me in the face. A night time splash of ice cold water on a retinoled face. I can't help but ask: Am I branded or beautiful? What logos do you and I wear across our bodies? We are all branded, but by what? Are you and I branded by the white hot love of God or by the world? Do the brands we advertise wares for exploit and reject women, both young and old? Do they exploit children? Do our bums bear the inscription of a company that sexualizes young women, selling and saying, they are nothing but a hunk of flesh to use and abuse? Or, do I bear the mark of the One who loves me? 

      Jen Wilkin wrote body truth and I thought about Isaiah's words once more. Then Kim Meeder's Fierce Beauty found its way into my hands. Searching the library for who knows what, there it was. I clicked "request" and can't stop reading. A impressionable young woman has been sitting on my lap soaking up Fierce Beauty. It's been awhile since she and I read a book together. I can't think of better cuddle time than reading about broken beauty and a God who defines true beauty. Powerfully convicting, Meeder writes:

      The day we called Jesus Christ "our Lord," we accepted His invitation to become a fledgling warrior of truth for Him. For too many of us, however, the young warrior within is not growing into a mighty force for our King. For thousands of Christian women, it isn't growing at all. Instead, the warrior we were meant to be is joining a nation of self-entitled princesses: "They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act as if they are religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly.... Such women are forever following new teachings, but they never understand the truth.... Their minds are depraved and their faith is counterfeit." (2 Timothy 3:4-5, 7-8)

     Ah, western beauty at its best. We have fallen for a lie. I think of two moms I spoke to recently who know girls who are fighting with everything in them for the truth about beauty. More than one God forsaken lie is trying to reign supreme in their lives. Praise God there is grace, healing, and truth and they will win. All I can do is share a bit of my own journey, recommend Chasing Silhouettes , pray, be angry, and fight back. Yes girls, we will have to fight being branded – with everything in us. 

      And in every western nation, eating disorders rage and run rampant and we are all starved - for truth. We have laid aside LOVE and have been led astray. Our Lord calls us to a table of feasting and fulfillment and we starve ourselves and think it is beautiful. The truth is without Jesus we will die purposeless having given away His vision for our lives. He knit us together perfectly in our mother's womb and instead we buy cheap lies about our worth. Am I in the Word finding the truth? Are you? How much time do you and I spend soaking up the Word vs. the world? The truth is I never come to the Word, or words, but by God. Am I cracking open the book that will save me from sinking?

     And the truth of eating disorders and the ugly lies behind them is you might well die young and alone. You might be giving up your gift to have children. You may well make decisions in your starved state that will impact you for the rest of your life. Your looking for love will always lead to loss if you are not looking to the Lord who loves. But, it is never too late to find true Love. It is never to late to be loved. Let go of the lies. There is a beautiful truth:

LOVE waits for you. LOVE wants you.

LOVE cherishes you. LOVE holds you.

LOVE gives you new hope, when you have no hope.

LOVE heals you. LOVE fills you.

LOVE has a future for you.

Live. Know LOVE.

This is LOVE...

      This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (I John 4: 9,10)

     The littles, who are not so little anymore, don't know I'm reading Isaiah (over and over) this month. I tried to tell them, but was interrupted. Yes, this is the way of things. We journey alone to the Word. We journey alone to LOVE. We journey alone to the One. Before we will ever meet Him in community, the soul needs to know God alone, alive, and personally.

     Isaiah calls me to the One. No one appreciates Isaiah, but he never minces words. He never messes with my mind or manipulates me. He states the truth. He dares us to step up to the plate of God. Will we feast or fast?

Goodbye Winter. Almost Spring.

 You just skated away! Quit taking my picture and get over here!

Is this good help or bad?

 

Homework, unfortunately, still has to be finished.

Come play. (Mom can still win a few games...for now.)

Cooking outdoors, whittling too.

Vacation is exhausting.

Pinecone liscious. All gone. Delicious.

Cold cabin, wind swept plain,

and icy rain greet us again.

Juniper fire burns long and sweet.

Doves cling to wind blown branches,

take flight, and flutter high.

Geese face wind, head strong.

Cows moo long and low....

haying time.

Reading and rest.

Tetherball and "Horse",

mom can still win a game.

Birthday party bowling.

A first.

Who knew? Strikes are cool!

In a heap, under warm woollens.

Ice skating: Absolute craziness on ice.

Washing dishes by hand,

scrubbing many a pan.

Read a book in one sitting, one setting.

Claw foot tub: "Who took all the hot water?"

Rain drops one day, snow the next.

"Storm warning," said me.

What if we can't get over the pass?" said she.

"We'll have to live by our wits!" said he.

Burgers and beer, friends quite dear.

Bookstore buy: Pranklopedia.

“Oh no.”

An apple fritter for Santiam Pass,

last winter snow run.

Spring rain has begun.

Snowed Inn

We are snowed inn, and loving it! We are quite pleased by the down time. It's lovely to be together and be still. Well, mostly still. We've enjoyed the fellowship of neighbors, our delicious go-to doughnut recipe, and boys who can stay in the snow all day. I'm fairly sure one of us is part Lapplander. Serious business this snow is. A reindeer and sledge would come in handy right about now.

Science goggles work great for snow.

This afternoon brings freezing rain, snow, and sleet. Tomorrow rain is forecast. Who knows, this may yet be a "power out" weekend. The boys vote for these often, but a hot shower and flushing toilets are always nice :-)

I like sledding, but I spend more time with my books.

The crock pot is simmering lamb stew and hand pies are in progress. Apple/blueberry they shall be. 

Books, Monopoly, and sledding compete for time and space. We haven't ever finished a game of Monopoly. Does anyone? We watched the original version of Yours, Mine, and Ours last night. Hysterical. There is more "adult" education in this movie than I remembered and it was made in 1968! Tonight, "Snowed Inn" is a write-night idea; We'll see if we get to that. Or maybe, we'll watch Frozen Planet. Which unfortunately, is overdue at the library. Yes, down time is good.

I know I smell something.

January has been a recovery month. I keeping hearing this sentiment and it resonates with me. The blog has been quiet. I'm processing last year, focused on a child who needs some extra encouragement right now, and writing elsewhere. I submitted an essay for this contest, and will be submitting a children's fiction book for this. 

The focus of my essay for The Faith and Culture Writer's Conference was listening to the Word within. Certainly, writing A Simple Scribe, I wrestled and wrestled with my words and the Word. Rewriting my essay up to four times, I was happy to see that one go. I turned it in with 3 hours to spare before the deadline, worked on those 500 words for probably 20 hours (embarrassing), and came away with a new appreciation of how God allows us to wrestle with Him to find the words and yes, the Word. Now, it's time to trust my submission to the Word within.

Help me find that mouse!

Valentine's is right around the corner. Time to pull out the Vintage Valentine's. But, sister and I are cooking up some good valentine's for her class. Details to come!

Read this weekend:

Nick and Tesla's High Voltage Danger Lab (great series)

Lives of the President's
The Georges and the Jewels (Oak Ranch Series)
Pie in the Sky  (Oak Ranch series)
The Silver Donkey by Hartnett (sweet and sad)
Waluk